What are you confident of?
I'm frequently overwhelmed these days. Grief swirls with buds of life and I still don't know what to do with Christmas. But amid a complexity of emotions, there has been one thing that has consistently kept me stable this month. Each time I start to pray, as that feeling of overwhelm comes over me, I sense God asking me this simple question: What are you confident of?
I am no longer confident that everything will turn out okay. That is why life feels so overwhelming. I don't know that I will ever live with that kind of peace again. "God's got this" and "everything has a purpose" don't make sense after loss. But as I sit with that question of confidence and make my list, a deeper peace comes to me. It is a peace that is not dependent on my knowledge of a happy future or on my ability to control my thoughts and emotions. My pastor told me the other day, "This is not flannel graph faith anymore." A deeper faith, a deeper confidence is required.
Here are some of the things I've put on my confidence list. What would you add to yours?
God loves me.
God is on the side of life. He doesn't want one to be lost.
Jesus weeps. He mourns his own delay.
Peace is more than a happy feeling. All of my emotions can be here together.
My story is not other people's story.
It's okay, and even appropriate, to be overwhelmed.
My voice is loud enough.
Jesus is attentive to me and to the most vulnerable parts of me.
The internet does not bring me peace.
I have a mountain of friends.