Three ways to engage grief: surrender, protest and solidarity
Is Death an Enemy or a Friend? (Part 2)
In my previous post, I explored the ways that different theologians, historical and current, view death. Some see death as an enemy to be conquered. Others see death as a friend to be embraced.
One explanation for our wide range of views on death is that we are made in the image of the Trinity who is complex in emotion. D.W. Augsburger in “The Question of Evil,” writes about our developmental stages for processing why a good God allows evil and suffering. He writes about three stages that parallel that of the images of the Trinity: “surrender, protest and solidarity.”[2] We surrender to the Father, protest with Jesus, and join the Holy Spirit in solidarity with others.
We protest with Jesus when we lament our pain, when we cry out in anger and when we say “no more!”
We surrender to the Father when we recognize we do not know everything and that we live in the eternal mystery of God, recognizing that we are only creatures.
We join the Holy Spirit in solidarity when we embrace our limitations for the sake of others. The apostle Paul writes to the Philippians church, “make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” and then continues to write about Jesus’s death and resurrection as the ultimate sign of solidarity (Philippians 2).
In my own grief, I have found myself dancing between these three stages, depending on the day or the season. There are times that any suggestion that my pain could benefit others, makes me only want to protest more. Other times, I have nothing in me left to protest and all I can do is give a deep breath of surrender. None of these postures are wrong. They are all welcomed and modeled by God.
Where do you find yourself today? Which direction do you want to be stretched (surrender, protest, solidarity)?
In my next post I will explore more of how our creatureliness is part of God’s good design for being human.
[1] D. W. Augsburger.The Question of Evil: An answer from, not to Job, (p 129). In K. J. Grieder, D. van Deusen Hunsinger, & F. Brock Kelcourse (Eds.), Depth Psychology and The Pastoral Ministry. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2010.