Thirsty

(Trigger warning: I talk about death a lot in this post.)

A Haiku:

You were so thirsty.
Then you took your final breath.
Jesus thirsted too.

I read the final chapters of the gospels differently now that I've witnessed someone die. The thing that haunted me the most after Julia died, before we had a diagnosis, was how thirsty she was. One of my primary roles as her mother was to hydrate her and, in the end, I failed at that job. Later I learned that her body's expelling of fluids was its way of doing everything it needed to do in order to fully shut down with the least amount of pain.

As time has passed, Mike and I are less scared to talk about those final moments of Julia's life. We say that Julia made dying seem less scary. She exhaled in her mother's arms and faded into Jesus's arms.

It's comforting to me that Jesus, the supplier of "living water" who makes people never thirst again, was thirsty before he took his final breath (John 4:10-13, John 19:28). There is nothing that Julia experienced in dying that Jesus didn't also experience. He also understands my "failure" as a mother. To be the supplier and then be unable to supply...he gets it. And even before the resurrection, there is comfort in this.

For a sweet video of Julia drinking her milk, click here.