Right now, I am okay
"Maybe everything will turn out okay." For much of my life, this is the phrase I have used to try to quiet anxiety. The antidote to feeling like everything will spiral into worst-case scenarios is obviously to imagine the best case scenario...right? But what happens when everything does not turn out okay? What do I do now to quiet that inner voice that is afraid of the worst?
As I find myself painting worst-case scenarios in my head about the future, I chuckle at myself. Why do I need to imagine another scenario when I am already literally living in the worst? I am at the bottom of the pit. Nothing about losing my daughter is okay. And yet, right now, in this moment, when nothing is okay, I am okay. I am breathing. I am safe. I am here. And if I can live here, at the bottom of the pit, surely I will live as Jesus leads me out of the pit.
I'm changing my comforting mantra. Instead of "everything will turn out okay," I can say, "Right now, I am okay." I can't predict the future. I am only a creature. But I do know, that right now, in the middle of my worst-case scenario, I am okay. Jesus is here. I have support. I am loved. My feet are on the ground.
Oddly enough, focusing here in the present, makes my portrait of the future more bright.