Puffin

My friend, Lisa, took me to the Long Beach Aquarium the other day. We bonded with this puffin who really wanted to eat a piece of fish. The problem was the fish was on top of a wall and the puffin was in the water. The puffin kept swimming close to the wall, desiring to jump out of the water, but hesitating. The puffin would back away to get some perspective and assess the height of the wall. After about ten times of this back and forth, Lisa and I found ourselves cheering for the puffin. Finally, the puffin took a big leap out of the water and ate that fish in one gulp. The puffin then puffed up real big right in front of us as if taking a bow.

I relate to the puffin. Self-doubt and uncertainty often hinder me. Grief can feel like a big wall that I am unsure I am capable of climbing.

Recently Jesus has been reminding me how the things he was discipling me in as a new parent are transferrable to this season of grief -- things like flexibility, creativity, and finding new rhythms. He's also been reminding me of how much I've been given: wise people, grief and prayer resources, swimming pools, deep friendships, a strong marriage. He's given me a level of resilience, perspective and trust in him that has grown, since the time I lost my dad as a teenager and through thirteen years of chronic pain.

He's given me confidence -- confidence that we will make it up that wall. I don't know what it will be like when we get there but we will get there.

Although you've never seen him, you love him. Even though you don't see him now, you trust him..." - 1 Peter 1:8