My first trip to the zoo

I went to the zoo by myself today as Mike started back at work. Here's a prayer I wrote there:

I came here Jesus.
To the place where memories aren't just images but are alive in my body.
To the space where I can see her staring at the tortoises,
where I can hear her saying "hi" to the ducks.
To the space where she was mesmerized by the waterfalls
and delighted by the howler monkeys.
I came here.

I came here Jesus.
To the place where I meet with you.
Where Julia's laughter mixed
with the sound of the quiet stream.
Where I used to have one eye on Julia
and one eye on your beauty.
I came here.

I'm afraid to be here.
Afraid of the pain.
Afraid to be with you, and also desperate for you.
But I am here Jesus.
And for that alone, I think you're proud.
Healer, meet me here.

*I wrote this with inspiration from the book, Hopeful Lament by Terra McDaniel. She writes a breath prayer that goes:
"Breathe in: Here I am
Breathe out: Healer, meet me here."