Mash Up

One of Julia's favorite things to sing was, "Jesus loves baby shark e.i.o..." She had some pretty excellent mash ups.

I went to the cemetery this morning to put some orange flowers on Julia's grave. I brought my ukulele and journal and was looking forward to some alone time to grieve. When I got there, there was a huge mound of dirt right on top of Julia's stone. They were getting ready for another burial. (No people were there, just the hole and the dirt.) I screamed for the whole city to hear, "Why won't you let me be with my baby!" Grief unleashed itself in a heap of anger, tears, and a whole lot of swear words.

It happened that I had a counseling session lined up immediately following. As we processed and prayed through -- what the counselor is calling-- that "grief attack," I remembered a song that used to comfort me when I was pregnant with Julia. For a moment the song produced a sweet comfort, but then I quickly felt tremendous pain. I can't think about being pregnant...it's too painful. Jesus gently and graciously told me that it was okay, that I didn't have to listen to a song that was too painful. He told me he would give me a new song. I told God I didn't want a new song either. I didn't want to lose the joy of the past.

Then Jesus reminded me of our wedding day. The organist blended together Mike's favorite song with my favorite song (a song from a video game and an old hymn). It was one of our favorite parts of the wedding. In my teary-eyed mess today, Jesus told me, how about I make you a mash up? We can make a new song that has elements of the old and elements of the new?

I put the orange flowers by the hole in the fence instead. It was special. A good mash up.

Thank you Jesus.

(For context, see: A hole in the fence and What songs take you to heaven?)