Lessons in Rejection from Vocational Ministry
One part of my job is to raise funds for the ministry by gathering a team of ministry partners. I also coach other staff to reach their funding goals. One of the key leadership lessons that comes alongside this kind of work is knowing how to respond well to rejection. I am grateful these lessons get accentuated for us in this line of work, as they transfer well to other types of rejection we may face in life. So here are a few lessons I have been chewing on lately:
Ninety-five percent of the time rejection has nothing to do with you. When people say they cannot support the ministry, it usually is because they simply do not have the funds or are at their capacity in their giving. The rejection you feel, is really not rejection at all. It's just the situation. Four percent of the time (these numbers are not based on statistical data, but work with me here), the rejection is because of a misalignment of values. Their vision or passion does not match your vision or passion. This can hurt. The last one percent of the time they are rejecting you because they genuinely do not like something about who you are. The rejection feels like an attack on your identity. This hurts the most.
What do we do with those last two categories -- the rejection that hurts the most? Here are a couple of things to remember:
Rejection is NOT an indicator of God's lack of favor or calling on your life. I have coached people who haven't seen their funding coming in and their first reaction is that maybe God hasn't called them to the ministry or that he doesn't believe they can do it. This is bad theology. Our calling is not rooted in success or abundance. What rejection MIGHT be an indicator of is your own desire. After long seasons of no progress, you might feel your desire to continue in this profession start to wane. And that is something worthy of interacting with Jesus and with community about. But don't automatically jump to the conclusion that you're not cut out for this or that you're not called to do it.
Rejection is NOT an indicator of your worth. In our society, money is the quickest way we can communicate to someone about their worth. What you get paid says a lot about what you are worth as an employee. So when you're doing something that's so intricately connected to money and to your paycheck, it can be easy to evaluate your worthiness based on how many people say yes to your invitation to invest in you. There may be ways that the organization or system has failed you. It is absolutely right to advocate for yourself and for others to work towards more just practices of making sure people get paid what they deserve. That said, ultimately, the only person who gets to tell you how much you are worth is Jesus. We need to regularly go to Jesus and hear from him about our worthiness.
With this in mind here are a couple things you can do when you experience rejection:
Feel all your emotions. The worst thing you can do is just stuff it and keep going. Pay attention to your body and where you feel that rejection inside. Are your shoulders hunched over? Does your stomach turn? What about that interaction felt like rejection to you? What parts of your identity got poked at? Feel it. And then linger there for a bit with Jesus, offering your presence to the parts that hurt.
Celebrate the rejections. Last month I asked fifty people to join my partnership team. 25 of them said yes. 25 of them said no. Why should I only celebrate the 25 yeses? The 25 "rejections" are 25 times that I had courage to ask a difficult question and 25 times that I needed maturity to go to Jesus with my emotions. My mentor used to tell me, "I bless you to go fail! As often as you possibly can!" I love her heart behind that. It's not that we are aiming to fail. But failure, the true kind and the kind we merely feel, means we took a risk. And that needs to be celebrated.
How have you handled rejection? (In ministry or in other relationships?) What has helped you respond with emotional maturity?