I love finishing things

and that irritates me

I have an obsession with finishing things. When I think of what would make me the most happy, I think about walking across the stage to celebrate the completion of my Master’s degree, or holding my published book, or having paintings and plants on the walls of my bedroom so that it feels finished.

Having a newborn baby (or four-month-old now) means I rarely complete anything. I sit down to write or fold laundry or watch a TV show and I am quickly interrupted. It makes me wonder what to do with this part of me that likes to complete things. Telling myself to just “enjoy the process” doesn’t work for me. But without some sort of correction in my thinking, I will wind up perpetually irritated.

I came across this quote in an Advent reading this week: “The end for which we’ve been created is to know God and to enjoy God forever” (from the Westminster Shorter Catechism). I wonder what life would be like if I changed my goal. What if my “ending” was not a Master’s Degree or a published book, but to know and enjoy God forever?

I had a dream the other night that I had to get rid of all my books and board games (which are some of my most treasured possessions) because there was not space in my home for them. Then I went to the library and discovered they were all there — every single one of them! I was so relieved. After I woke up, I asked God to interpret this dream. I sensed him saying, “Kelly, I have all of it here for you. All your stories, your memories, your hopes, your future.”

I wonder if I can write my book and work on my degree believing that God is holding it all for me. If I lose my train of thought because my daughter wakes up from her nap — he’ll help me find the thought again. If it takes me five years to finish writing a book, God will keep my book for me. I don’t have to hold my breath wondering if it will ever get published.

Perhaps I need to stop telling myself to just “enjoy the process” but rather, to tell myself to enjoy God — God who has all the time in the world to fulfill my desires and to complete my character. He can hold it all. Even when my brain is functioning on very little sleep and Christmas sugar cookies, he will help me get where I am supposed to go. He likes finishing things too.

“…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 1:6