I carry you in my body

The cord was cut
but I still carry you.
I carry you in my body.
When you cry, my stomach turns.
When you're hungry, my breasts alert me.
When you're in pain, my muscles tense.
When you laugh, I exhale.
I carry you in my body.
I love carrying you
I will always carry you.

Sometimes my brain tells me
to stop carrying you.
Your independence and my rest
is the goal.
But when I listen to my body
it tells me
to notice
to see
that I carry you
in my body.
Because I will always carry you.
I love carrying you.

My daughter had tummy trouble all day today. I didn't realize how tense I was until after she felt better. When she finally found relief, suddenly the air felt cooler, my shoulders were relaxed, I was laughing more.

We carry others in our bodies all the time. The grief, the trauma, the irritations of others can all find their way into our stomachs, throats, and muscles, often without us even noticing. As a minister, knowing what to do when you find yourself carrying a lot from others is crucial for long term health.

People tell me that it's healthy to "let people go." Let go of their trauma or their irritating idiosyncrasies and don't let them affect your internal well-being. But love is not that easy. Sometimes you are called to keep carrying others. So what do you do then?

As I recognized how much I was holding my daughter's pain in my body today, I asked Jesus about my feelings. Is it okay that I let her pain affect me so much? Is it normal for my stomach to hurt every time she cries or do I need grow a thicker skin? Jesus reminded me of the "biospiritual focusing" exercises I have been learning.* Perhaps I just need to notice and acknowledge.

There's something beautiful about carrying someone else's pain, especially for someone who has no ability to carry it on her own. Finding the strength to keep carrying her requires noticing how my body is affected and giving it a little acknowledgment.

What or who have you been holding in your body lately? What needs to be noticed and acknowledged?

*For more on biospiritial focusing, see:  www.biospiritual.org.