Friends in Changing Seasons
Sometimes friendships are easy. When you're in the same season of life, sharing the same interests, and on the same schedules, the friendships are not hard to sustain. We called our friends to tell them we were pregnant with Julia and they said, "Guess what? We are too!" It was a celebratory day, not only because of the miracle of our children but for our friendship. We would learn to parent together. Our kids would grow up together. We planned to have our second children together too.
Other times, friendships are tested. Now our friends' son is growing up without Julia and their second child is coming soon while we still wait at the fertility clinic. Sustaining the friendship requires more sacrifice and sensitivity on both ends. We are learning to do life together in a whole new way. We bend to each other in our joys and our pains. When we mis-step, we apologize. When we are uncertain, we ask. When we can't do it, we allow space. I'm confident this friendship will pass the test of the changing seasons because we are committed to each other.
Why commit to friendship? Especially when it requires sacrifice?
Mike and I are reaping the reward of many years of investing in friendships with people in all seasons of life. We have at least four hundred friends who have wept with us, prayed with us, counseled us, sent us money, gifts, and notes, or taken us on outings in this season of intense grief. We feel carried every single day.
But friendship is not just about investing and receiving. It is through friendships that we are able to have faith in God. I'm taking a psychology class this summer and here is one of the lines I just read: "We don't believe all by ourselves, but we believe with others in the church...In times when we are incapable of believing on our own, belief nevertheless can be operative because we experience it within the extended and supersized life of the body of Christ -- the church."*
Our faith is too big for just ourselves. Things as absurd as giving up your life for others, resurrection, and heaven coming to earth are impossible to believe on our own. Our brains are too tiny. Together though, with the strength of the Holy Spirit, we can conceive of a much greater reality.
Sometimes friendships can't handle the stress of changing seasons. And that is okay. We aren't built for friendship solely for the sake of friendship. There is a much greater goal.
*Brown, W., & Strawn, B. Enhancing Christian Life: How Extended Cognition Augments Religious Community. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2020.