Fiery Bush

"I have two daughters. One is in heaven and one is in my womb." We did class introductions and it felt strange for these words to roll off my tongue. My life is not full of diaper changes and toddler tantrums like my other friends with two kids. And yet, I very much feel like a parent of two.

I found myself praying for both of my daughters the other day: "God, help Julia to learn to share. Teach her how to let other kids play with her toys too. And God, help my youngest baby to have a gift of faith. Help her to see often through that hole in the fence between heaven and earth, even now." It felt odd to pray these things, and also completely right.

I've been captivated by the story of Moses and the fiery bush. Moses enters God's dimension and what he sees is a bush that is on fire but not burning up (Exodus 3:1-4). He is looking at something incredibly familiar -- a bush and fire -- and yet completely unbelievable -- how is the bush not burning up?

When the religious leaders, the Sadducees, ask Jesus about resurrection, they cannot imagine possibilities outside of their current parameters for how the world ought to work. Jesus tells them that God is "God not of the dead, but of the living" (Matthew 22:32). This is much like God's response to Moses when he says "I am who I am" (Exodus 3:14).* In God's dimension, life can exist even in death and there are possibilities that we think are impossible because God is.

Believing that I have two daughters though I cannot see either of them, can really mess with my head. I can feel like Moses who is afraid of the strange sight of a bush on fire that does not burn up. I can also feel like the Sadducees who cannot fathom anything beyond what logic can piece together. And yet, my experiences of feeling the little kicks inside my tummy and hearing Julia encouraging us to "sing" and "try again" makes me wonder if the possibility of a bush that refuses to burn up might be real.

Jesus responded to my prayer for my daughters: "Kelly, I hear all of your prayers. And I am answering them. Julia is a very generous person. She is sharing. See how she wants to share with her little sister already? And your youngest -- I will give her that gift of faith. She's going to help you and Mike see through that hole in the fence more often than you think."

*See: Light in the Shadow of Death: A Commentary on the Gospel of Matthew, by Tommy Givens. Manuscript yet to be published.