3 Things for Turning 40
and for the rest of life
I am 40 years old today. Here are 3 things I’m thinking about:
Psalm 90
The Very Hungry Caterpillar*
Lucy’s mirror
I memorized Psalm 90 this month and I pray it with Lucy every night. I particularly relate to the line that says “Teach us to count our days. Make our hearts wise” (verse 12). I’m acutely aware, after losing Julia at 19-months-old, that life is short and we have no idea how many days we will get. I’m also feeling the reality that 40 is “mid-life” as society defines it. I’m asking a lot of questions about purpose and parenthood and character, wanting to make sure I “get it right.” Praying this prayer each night reminds me that I can ask God for help and He will teach me what is right and good for living.
I’ve read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Lucy dozens of times. I read it last night and identified with that caterpillar who ate so many sweets that he had a stomachache. Then I started wondering, what’s my “nice green leaf to eat and my cocoon to build around myself” that helps me in my becoming? Listening to God’s voice, surrounding myself with friends…there are many things that are helping me become who I was meant to be, and I want to focus there.
Lucy gets her dopamine kick every time she looks in the mirror. I’m not sure she realizes yet that she’s not looking at another baby, but I just love how much she loves looking at herself. I want to be like Lucy. When I look in the mirror I see a body that has been through almost two decades of chronic pain, two childbirths, and grief beyond measure. But I also see a resilient and strong body that has somehow carried me through 40 years of life. I want to celebrate that and light up as much as Lucy does when I look at myself.
Cheers to being 40!
*Carle, Eric. The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Puffin, 1994.
The caterpillar metaphor really landed for me. There's something about watching kids engage with that book that makes you realize how much we forget about that transformation process as adults. We get stuck in the stomachache phase and forget about the cocoon part. I've been thinking alot lately about how grief and resilience coexist, and that mirror insight about seeing both the wear and the strenght is such a balanced way to hold those contradictions. Happy birthday btw, 40 seems like a good time to be asking these kinds of questoins.
In learning to number my days aright, for some years I have followed this practice every morning, as I did today: "Today is Friday, December 19, 2025. I have lived 71 years, 2 months, and 10 days."
And being able to smile at oneself in the mirror is certainly a gift to be desired.